aloner.

hi!

Then and now, here and there, the only feeling sort of engulfed me is ‘wanting to be alone’. I was in a perplexing phase of life wherein my mind just wandered between the two states, from i am feeling lonely to i just want to be alone. Not taking this for granted i just explored this lovely, self-equipped journey. I did so, to build myself not to a freaking rude stone but to a colourful yet nude pebble. I was a total mess internally, glittering wherever i stepped through. my sense of learning didn’t give me the birth right of understanding the casual human nature of not being empathetic , as my tone was rude and argument provoking.  Steaming within , faking being alright, I was busy pleasing my envy-ronment  from morning to the welcoming of moon. After all these, I could then possibly remind my eyes to release and roll down all the burden at the closure of yet again another day.

Days were long yet months were short. I could barely realise  that i am exactly where i should be. Nothing more to it came along just a habit of wanting an instant feedback and  constantly peeping the unpleasant gadget lying down by my side. i didn’t quit. i tried harder to stay away from these artificial life playing in a happy faceted media called Instagram and Snapchat. no wonder the day is near, for you will have to check in for getting inside the bathroom to poop, hopefully not the trash of your body will wait for a minute until you do. letting go, streaming with the flow to the circumstances that poked my shoulders caused me to intentionally ignore who i am, cause there is always a phrase to justify, “My bad , i am cool!”

Nevertheless, the virtue of being patient started getting into my blood. Waiting for people was not so annoying now but pleasing was. I didn’t love every inch of my wait, or maybe I am liking it now. Because that’s exactly where my small-sized brain  could afford hunting for my kind of partners and to also know that there is much more to it. So i went to related spaces ,explored people’s mind who were miles apart just by sitting and watching the exceptional speakers through the same unpleasant gadget. the beginning was more like -happier made me sad and sadder made me happy , eventually it was vice versa. being myself happened to nourish my mind and heart. Straight from the heart,it wasnt easy at all!

Colouring my own thought process, with all possible positivity and understanding I started to get through. nobody could then make me feel better than me, my own self. Because nobody will ever tell you how to love yourself it is a ‘self start’ process. it is you who is going to teach others how to love or unlove you. you are the formula for your equation. And now, I am grateful for whatever  i am.

It is he who gave you the book but you are the one to paint , write and fill. You are the author of your book like they say.